Recently in our community a 16yr old kid named David Molak committed suicide due to extreme cyber bullying. I can’t seem to get him out of my mind, and my heart lays heavier in my chest as I watch his funeral services on the news. I keep creating different ” What if” scenarios in my head. What if I had seen him before at a local restaurant, a community event, our neighborhood grocery store – crossing his path not knowing the impact he would later make on me, our community, and on you. What if he had made that one special friend that gave him hope? What if AHSD, and his peers could have done more? What if he would of kicked that bully’s ass?!!. Most importantly, what if it was MY son, you?
Everyday, I pick you up from 1st grade, I ask you about your day. I see the joy, the enthusiasm, and the light shining through your beautiful blue eyes. I don’t speak to you in third person, in a Minnie mouse voice, or sugar coat situations most of the time, that’s not who I am. I promised Oprah I would live a true authentic life, so what you see is what you get:) I speak to you like an adult, because I know you can handle it. During our ride home, I casually lecture you about the importance of making new friends, being kind, and standing up for yourself. I casually lecture you about Karma, how every decision, action, or reaction, whether positive or negative, creates a reflection on the life that you create. I casually, the best I can, give you examples of tangible and intangible Karma. I see you most of the time a bit confused, and it may not be clicking right now, but I casually continue on, confident that it will one day.
Every day I also, sternly help you with your homework. I sternly teach you about math, reading, and spelling. I sternly educate you about the importance of being intelligent, passing your tests, knowing Spanish,and excelling in school. Every chance I get, I sternly lecture you about the importance of an education. I was taught that education was a way out, a type of freedom that is a conduit to all the luxuries in life. Most days I make you do extra homework, because God forbid you turn out academically average. It always ends with you in tears, because at 7yrs old, you don’t see the importance. “I don’t want to do this mommy, I just want to be an artist, and a soccer player!”, you constantly yell at me from across the kitchen table. I realize now that mommy is wrong.
I should casually help you with your homework, and sternly guide you into developing good character. We can always find tutors, family, or educators willing to help you with your academics and learning, that’s an easy fix. Smart phones are just getting smarter, so maybe you don’t have to know it ALL:) What I can’t fix is your moral compass, your foundation of humanity. I don’t think there will ever be an app for that. I’m making a promise to you, that I will be more diligent in making you a beautiful, loving, compassionate, grateful, human being.
First, know that bullying is inevitable, you will experience it, but its how you deal with it that will help shape the person you become. Be. Fucking. Brave!. Learn from it, dust yourself off, and move on, they have to live with that negative Karma, you don’t. Talk to me if it gets heavy, I will always have your back, and I will try my best to stop it. I will follow proper procedures and protocols, but If that doesn’t work, and the bully is relentless – Fuck them up!, you have my permission. Sometimes you are Karma, and it’s all for the greater good, just be prepared for the consequences’. Kindness doesn’t always mean weakness, my love.
Second, choose your circle of friends wisely baby doll. Never for how much money they have, or what they can give you, or for what they look like, but for their heart, their energy, their zest for life. Be. Different!. Mommy didn’t buy Tory Burch boots and Kendra Scott earrings to fit in with the majority of the women in our community, so neither should you. Trends don’t define coolness, humility does, trust me on this one. Everybody has a story, if you’re fortunate enough to hear it, listen. If the person has a happy story, I hope that it inspires you, motivates you to be better. If the person has a sad, difficult story, find a way to help, be their solution. In the end, the people we encounter and connect with are never an accident, it is divine intervention. They all serve a purpose, we all play a character in the chapters of your life. So remember that when you think its ok to ignore someone – the geek that builds robots, the flamboyant gay kid, the nerd that loves to read, or even the vulgar, funny, chubby girl with glasses (that was your mommy by the way). Befriend them, they all lay a brick on that foundation of humanity.
Third, if you meet a kid like David Molak, offer your support, your friendship, bring them into our family. Lets help change the trajectory of their life…now that’s cool! Do things for people unconditionally, knowing that you may not receive as much as you give, and that’s ok, because Karma see’s all. Be. Happy! Love. Yourself. When you truly do that, no bully in the world will ever be able to break you down. You will never face any obstacle alone. It takes a village, and mommy has surrounded you with the best people. When you feel like you can’t cope, look around your circle, and pick one to talk to.
Finally, I fast forward in my head, you’re 16 and reading this letter, it has hopefully all clicked by now. I hope the light is still shining in your big blue eyes, you are happy, healthy, still enthusiastic about life. Still laughing at your mommy’s stupid jokes, and having fun. That your still full of wonderment and asking me a thousand questions (not really, that’s pretty annoying, find an app). That I’m still hugging you tightly every night, as I whisper in your ear ….”don’t forget mommy when you’re on top of the world!” Mainly, that you have faced a bully in your life and survived! – I love you papi chulo.
P.S….If you ever come to me and tell me that you’re gay, bisexual, or trans- I DON’T FUCKING CARE, IT WILL NOT MATTER TO ME!!!!
